aye mate

So new friends or should i say friend... I have some and I repeat some good ole friends who are wonderful great lovely spectacular...nuns...must write them letters...men...great men...family and young brother who are not young any more but have potential that once opens and will not only bring joy but laughs and luxury..great men will they be once they learn that they are that great....

Cass...ahhh Cass...she is like my sister not Chiara...whom I must call because I lost my self for three weeks...Cass is the definition of the ugly duckling: beautiful smart but thought and I say thought she was ugly on the outside...she would let folks get to her even in her 30ies... now engaged to a man.. a younger man whom she does not LOVE...for those who have experienced true love and pure love...this is not it...I do not feel sorry for her...I am disappointed because she has experienced pain and seen what no love can do. It is like she lost her love not only for herself but for all...closeness... maybe that is why we were such good friends for a long time and still are...side bar...dislike the man she will marry...hopefully not...made of honor...and no honor in that marriage..Cassandra find you...fucking suck it up and live love and be humble...do what you need and want...but as my wise father says want what you need and need what you want. Good Man! 

My apologies to my sister... I do not like asking for help and will not say oh woooo is me...but I refuse also to lean on my family and be honest...well my folks said not to tell them everthing...which hell I will not..but shit I have love right in front of me...reaching out to me...and yet I do not engage or love back but distance myself still...after all the shit I have done and been through...ufta...really... I guess I used to, still do it...just want to be pushed so hard I either have no choice or no option...but then I am on the defense...

Thank goodness my head is not so far up my ass...bad form...but shit...no pun...tee hee... I know some discipline... thank goodness and God for that...

Little Bro is here...gotta run for pool ...late...risky but shit..i am a trooper...yippee...until next time...hopefully tomorrow night.

Have a stellar day...hell yeah!

Dilema

Not my beautiful old cat...who was like a dog...therefore I loved it!

So one has a friend who is marrying someone who she cares for but not fully loves...getting married in the Catholic Church...but not only does this man's entire family does not believe in confession they will receive Christ, but the relationship is doomed...

Who knows maybe a mircacle will happen...but i KNOW she will not be happy and he will treat her like a damn bitch and use the word verbally.... how the hell am i suppossed to sit aside this couple on the alter and approve of this...

it makes me sick...but do i lose my friend for a long time or forever... Trying to pull my best friends wedding but the guy i am fighting for is Christ...and the marriage not to exist...ahhhh poop!

There is Love

I can see it...just not yet believe it.  My recent history was honest...brought out the honesty in others that was not disappointing but in a way discouraging.  The other..i think was glad i was upfront but more him finding his true love and what he offered was not what i was ready for...meaning he had a family and do not think he was yet an honest man with himself.  Then again the other was not ready...just learning his life to live...and another confused... me no se!

Everyone one says never look for love or men but i am but keep a wary eye.  I will be direct but true.  Try to not overbear but learn to know what i can do.   I will keep asking and questioning and trying to discover but i do not know who to share it with...friends HA...they are nuns and to God i always do and his family... but i try to avoid the talks try to avoid what i will find....realize...failures and accomplishments. 

Remembering and forgetting...sometimes i have no choice.

With the Grace of God and if i try to help myself..i will and will will it!

Prayers...for at least a glimpse of happiness!  One is a fact i am shy in front of God and happy with my family no matter who or what they do!  Love is Love and Is as is God himself!

Kiss on a forehead would be lovely and not soley from my saviour or my angels...my love and hopefully awaiting in the fless...

aye there's the rub!!!

Love, Life, Loss...please for the love of everything holy...just live

Many changes in my life, family, thoughts...my way of life...

just saw two different pictures of two great Men... John Marie St. Francis and Paul Levine...

To think of what I could have accomplished and who I could have helped or inspired if I had applied my energy and efforts differently...

Life is short...we lose people...we live...we could be so lucky to be loved and to love...we still live...

I am living and love life... I will be the next to "devour life!"

Life carries on and on and on and on!!

Yuppers...that is from the City of Angels CD!

May procrastination, frustrations, and anything that may stand in my way including myself disapate...so that I may live and love and let myself be loved!

Watching Jane Austen ...kills me everytime...not being vulnerable, being so bloody stubborn is killing me slowing... ...whether it is nobler in my mind to suffer or to rise up against the sea of troubles in my heart and mind and to cry a little for the benefit of my future love and life.

I will and this will occurr...tired of small movements forward...time for drastic leaps and bounds of faith and courage in myself and with the help of the Man upstairs...

yee who has little faith...can't hide anymore...i suppose!!!

i will never grow up but i will learn to live

David Thoreau " Live life to the fullest."

Always keep that candle burning... be prepared...live life and in reality... Sometimes you forget to live and just jump in line with the rest...never been able to do that.  When I tried I was the least happiest. 

Someone thanked me today for acquiring their dream job...I told him that not living out your God given talents and using them for good is a sin and not only makes you unhappy but makes you lazy and poor spirited.... He tried harder for his dream job and got it a bloody week later.

Geeze la weeze...if we have faith of a mustard seed we could move mountains!  If we try for something that makes us happy and chase our passion what we love...amazing things can happen... I then never heard this man laugh so loud and laugh GOOD in my life.

Sometimes i need to read or watch Charoltte Bronte or Jane Austin...to get that innocense and drive back...that love exists that if you try just a teeny bit you will be happy and live life to the fullest to how you should be...

shall i...i do every day and get back up fast for every fall...i am taking strides now...yippeee!!!

Prayer Requests

Funny thing...and beautiful thing is when you can feel and tell when prayers are said for you... My mother, grandma and my dearest sister...they I can tell...but when my father and hopefully my brothers and whomever i am supposed to wed do...Man oh Man do I feel it...can't help but smile and feel inspired to live life trully to the fullest and work on my faith.

Please Prayer for my vocation, my future husband, my carreer and seriously to keep that bloody television off...so addictive...lol silly me.

Mille Graci!