back in time

yes to those that know me and to those that do not read my blog, which is no one, but to my self, i am one truly lost in my own mind, lost in this society that i hate yes i sincerely mean hate, but am no i do not mean chicken butt, i have learned and experiencec a lot and honey i mean a lot and i hate to write it but i am immature, innocent, naive, ignorant, lazy, mean, honest, a lier, strong willed, silly, not prudent, lazy, one eyed, AND SO ON, BUT i am human, have a hear and soul and want to live to my fullest, dream love, lost and believe and blah blah blah blah yet i am one soul and want happiness and as a women yet young want to be held, loved, trused, and damit, held again and for one, for one, and again for one to say, believe, and breathe that i am worth something and to quote the fifth of aristotle of substance (weird but something) i am some one with a soul and want more in life than ignorant people, false hopes, lies, fights, running away from the truth, and running away from the people that truly care.... hmmm for those that know that means... QED... I want God to live in My heart, fill me with love and compassion, honesty, prudence, fortitude, love and prudence....what can assist me in this but prayer a good life and good people..........whoo is me....i do not suround myself with prayer, good people, love honest and true love, and people that care for me. to me i say and ponder besides dumb ass, idiot, but what the hell am i thinking....alcohol, no pain, no love, yes yet no that is all i know, and do not want to feel QED i drink if not one, a few and more. i do not trust or believe in me or the man upstairs, yet i do and i confuse myself, but my blog title, lost in my own mind......i love him and cry for him and pity all man knind but knowing this and more why do not want to feel anything and live my life well and do what i am capable of, which is not humble to say but a lot hell yes a lot. no se! no es bueno! mi cabenza es stupida y sono (this word is italian) es nada en mi corozon, por que.....por que pero... sono is and i do not want to let this go and i am not only drowning in my own self but in my ill prudence for not biting my own tongue and pride and telling or asking some one to help, not help but to listen to what i have to say or to listen to what i dream, love, think, believe.........oh wait i hang out with idiots and do not trust anyone not even myself...what is a girl to do..nada...no es bueno...auyeda me por favor..aueyda me por favor, may the Lord bless and keep me and forgive my stubbornness and pride and my weakness to ask for a good soul to listen, believe and aide me to find the truth, veritas, i keep running in circles and am too dizy to see what is written on my back...oh mi Dios. auyeda me